The internet is full of stories of adults lamenting their single status — from the many personal essays about being “single forever” to the millions of TikTok videos under the “dating” hashtag of users proclaiming that they’re “never going to find love.”
“There just are more single people,” says Geoff MacDonald, a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto.
In 1990, 59% of U.S. adults were married, according to the Pew Research Center. That number dropped to 51% by 2023.
Plus, “everybody is single at some point,” says MacDonald, scholar of singlehood and relationships. It’s why he believes it’s important to study “what the experience of singlehood is like,” he says.
Alongside his colleagues at the Macdonald Social Psychology Research Laboratory, MacDonald studies the demographics of people who tend to be happier single, the sexual habits of singles today, what happens when people transition from single to partnered and what it all means for the future of romantic relationships.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
CNBC Make It: Why have you found that the share of single people is growing?
MacDonald: It’s probably not only one specific thing. I think that there’s a lot of different structural changes that have been happening. I think one of them is that there’s a variety of technologies that make it easier for people to live independently than there used to be, including the internet.
The more things you can get on your own that you would [otherwise] get from a romantic relationship, the less incentive there is to be in a romantic relationship.
Also, let’s say, 50, 60, 70 years ago, when women didn’t have as much access to employment, women were a lot more dependent on men for income. And that’s one big thing that in the context of heterosexual relationships has changed quite a bit.
That incentive is not as strong as it used to be given women’s access to their own income.
A lot of people, especially in cities like New York, lament how hard it is to find a partner these days. Do you think it’s harder than it used to be, given tech like dating apps?
I’m sort of a rare member of society that’s quite bullish on the dating apps. In that sense, it’s not harder to meet people than it used to be.
I think the bigger thing that’s happened is that what people look for in a romantic partner has changed quite a bit. Now, people are looking for intellectual stimulation and emotional support and adventure.
I don’t think my grandfather was looking for personal growth from his wife, you know? Somebody had to milk the cows. And there’s a lot of people who can do that.
In your research, you’ve found that certain demographics of people are happier being single than others. Why do you think women are happier single than men?
There are still expectations for a lot of people about the divide of things like household labor. I think there’s a lot of expectations on women to take a higher percentage of the cooking and cleaning.
I think there’s an argument to be made that men might see a romantic relationship as reducing their burden in terms of housework and a lot of women might expect that it will actually increase their burden.
I also think that a big part of it is that women, on average, are better at maintaining relationships than men. Women are just better at getting [emotional] support through their friendships and through their family relationships and that sort of thing, whereas men tend to struggle with that more on their own.
You’ve also found a happy single person is more likely to be older than 40 and queer. Why do you think that is?
From an emotional level, people just get happier as they get older. You make peace with your circumstances. Part of it is your energy levels go down and you literally don’t get worked up about stuff the way that you used to.
Queer folks, we’re not 100% sure at this point. People will often mention how there can be less pressure to get partnered in queer communities. If you’ve already kind of shucked off heteronormative norms, then maybe there’s not those same expectations.
Your research shows that higher income is unrelated to satisfaction in singlehood. Why do you think that is?
If you’re very committed to living a long-term single life, I would assume that there are elements of that that really are more enjoyable when you have more money.
You can pay for someone to come and clean the house. You can pay to go and take advantage of all that freedom you have by traveling and that kind of thing. But we think that when people get to those higher income stages, it also kind of bumps them up to that stage of like, boy, it’d be really nice to have somebody to share this with.
What share of the people who are single do you think are happy under those circumstances? That is, how many of them might be actively choosing it?
I saw a talk recently where 15% of singles said that they had no interest in romantic partnering. I don’t think all of those are necessarily not looking for a partner because they’re really, really happy being single. But I think that’s not a bad estimate.
Do you think the population of single people will continue to grow?
I personally find that hard to predict. We’re obviously, for better or worse, going through a moment of increased conservatism. And I think a lot of the younger generation is more focused on romantic commitment than maybe previous generations had been.
Any advice for people about how to approach these different phases of their lives, in and outside of romantic relationships?
I think it’s boring, old-fashioned advice: Being good at relationships is about being good with yourself, and being good at singlehood is exactly the same thing.
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