Trust is the foundation of emotional intimacy and long-term connection in romantic relationships.
When you trust your partner, you believe that they will follow through on their commitments. But it’s also shaped by your past experiences and emotional patterns. For example, if you experienced betrayal in a previous relationship, you might find it harder to believe others can be counted on, even when they can.
As a Harvard-trained psychologist specializing in relationships, I’ve seen how trust influences the way couples communicate. Couples who truly trust each other never use eight phrases that quietly cause long-term damage.
1. ‘Do you love me?’
Constantly asking for reassurance may be a sign of insecurity. Even if your partner answers “yes,” it might not feel genuine, especially if you had to ask.
If you trust your partner cares about you, share with them that you’re feeling vulnerable and want connection.
Instead, they say:
- “I’m feeling a little vulnerable. Can I get a hug?”
- “It’s important to me that we express how we feel. How are you feeling about us lately?”
2. ‘Let me see your phone.’
It can be tempting to do a “check-up” when you feel suspicious. But snooping signals a lack of trust. In healthy relationships, privacy is respected. You both have the right to your own space and communication.
Instead, they say:
- “I’m sensing something’s off. Is there something you’re not telling me?”
- “I noticed you got some late-night texts. Everything okay?”
3. ‘I don’t even know you anymore.’
We’re always growing and changing. It’s a part of life. In relationships rooted in trust, change is seen as an opportunity to evolve together over time.
Instead, they say:
- “I didn’t know that about you.”
- “Even after all this time, I’m still learning about you. I love that.”
4. ‘Don’t leave me.’
Commitment is important. But if dysfunction lasts over time, your partner may leave (or vice versa!). You want to trust that your partner will stay because they choose to, not because you’ve guilt-tripped, manipulated, or begged them to do so.
Instead, they say:
- “I trust that we can get through this tough time.”
- “If you ever feel this relationship isn’t right, it will be hard for me. But I’ll get through it.”
5. ‘I can’t talk to you about this.’
Couples who trust each other are willing to talk about anything, no matter how painful or uncomfortable it might be. They trust that their partner be respectful and stay connected even if they disagree.
Instead, they say:
- “I know I can tell you anything.”
- “Thank you for loving me, even when it’s hard.”
6. ‘Text me every hour.’
Couples who trust one another give each other space. This means they don’t need constant check-ins to feel secure. They know that their partner is okay and even thriving when they are physically apart.
Instead, they say:
- “Have fun tonight!”
- “Shoot me a text when you’re heading home.”
7. ‘I’m done with you.’
Relationships go through highs and lows. Saying “I’m done” in the heat of an argument can cause long-term damage. Couples who trust each other don’t make empty threats, and they know that one tough moment doesn’t mean the relationship is over.
Instead, they say:
- “We’ll figure this out.”
- “I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got your back.”
8. ‘You should know why I’m upset.’
Expecting your partner to read your mind isn’t fair. Communication is key to any successful relationship. If you trust your partner, you stay engaged and talk to them respectfully.
Instead, they say:
- “Here’s why I’m upset.”
- “I need a moment to cool off, but I’ll come back when I’m ready to talk.”
Dr. Cortney S. Warren, PhD, is a board-certified psychologist and author of the new book “Letting Go of Your Ex.” She specializes in romantic relationships, addictive behavior, and honesty. She received her clinical training at Harvard Medical School after earning her doctorate in clinical psychology from Texas A&M University. Follow her on Instagram @DrCortneyWarren or Twitter @DrCortneyWarren.
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