When looking for love, daters are keeping money top of mind these days, according to a recent Harris Poll survey of 2,177 U.S. adults.
Seventy-four percent say financial stability has become one of the most attractive traits in dating. And among their biggest red flags are someone who wants to merge finances quickly (67%), someone with significant credit card debt (63%), and someone who sends a Venmo or Zelle request immediately after a date (57%).
This emphasis on money is not surprising, says Jacqueline Combs, a family law and divorce attorney at Blank Rome.
“Who you marry is the biggest financial decision in your life,” she says. And financial disputes are one of the biggest reasons for divorce.
If you’re going on a first date, there are questions you can ask upfront to get a sense of your date’s spending philosophy. Here’s what Combs recommends asking.
These questions ‘provide you with insight into who you’re dating’
However they come up in conversation, you can frame your questions as hypotheticals or ask questions about the past or future. Combs recommends trying any of the following:
- If you won the lottery today, how would you spend the money?
- What are your values when it comes to children’s education expenses? Do you believe in paying for their colleges or private schools?
- How did you handle expenses during college, or when you first were an adult?
- What was a financial surprise that you’ve had to deal with?
- What is a big expense that you’re saving up for?
- Do you have coffee at home, or do you go out and get coffee every single day?
These types of questions “provide you with insight into who you’re dating and what their relationship is with money,” she says. They help give you a sense of how they approach spending and what their financial habits could be like if you built a shared life.
Not everyone will be comfortable delving into the topic of money immediately, but if someone is really avoiding the subject, that’s a red flag, says Combs.
“You don’t have to share your 401(k) on the first date,” she says, “but I think having conversations around money to determine whether you are financially aligned is really important when you are dating.”
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