The dynamics of three-person friendships have long been a subject of debate. Some people swear by them, while others insist they are a recipe for drama.
Take the latest season of The White Lotus, where childhood best friends Kate (Leslie Bibb), Laurie (Carrie Coon), and Jacklyn (Michelle Monaghan) take a luxury vacation in Thailand. To an outsider, they appear to be enjoying paradise—but beneath the surface, their friendship is tense, competitive, and full of subtle betrayals.
From passive-aggressive jabs to gossip behind each other’s backs, the show perfectly illustrates a common struggle: Can three people maintain a healthy friendship, or will someone always feel left out?
Experts say the “rule of three” in friendships can be both rewarding and challenging. Here’s why.
The Challenges of Three-Person Friendships
1. One Person Often Feels Excluded
Psychotherapist Barbie Atkinson of Catalyst Counseling explains that three-person friendships require more effort than two-person ones to avoid feelings of exclusion.
💬 “No two friendships within a trio are exactly the same. Someone may always feel like the odd one out,” she tells Yahoo Life.
Even simple things—like picking a restaurant—can cause tension. If two friends live closer to each other, they may naturally choose a place that’s convenient for them, unintentionally leaving the third friend out.
2. “Triangulation” Can Create Toxicity
Psychological experts warn that triangulation—when two friends bond at the expense of the third—can turn a friendship into a toxic cycle.
Take The White Lotus, where Jaclyn and Laurie gossip about Kate after she goes to bed. While this strengthens their bond, it alienates Kate—and when she finds out, she’s hurt and distrustful.
🔎 “Healthy friendships involve direct communication,” says psychologist Victoria Kress. “If you have an issue, talk to the person directly instead of forming alliances.”
If conflicts are never addressed head-on, resentment builds, and friendships start to crumble.
3. Power Imbalances Often Emerge
In groups of three, one person often becomes the dominant “leader”, while another takes on a more passive role.
💡 Think Mean Girls: Regina George leads The Plastics, while Gretchen Wieners gets walked all over—until she snaps.
👉 “If one person in the group is focused on control or status, power struggles can create tension,” Kress explains.
Those who don’t speak up may bottle up frustrations until they explode—leading to dramatic fallouts.
Do Three-Person Friendships Ever Work?
Despite the challenges, experts agree that three-person friendships can thrive—but only with strong communication and intentional effort.
✅ Talk directly about issues instead of gossiping.
✅ Be mindful of inclusion—rotate plans so no one feels left out.
✅ Recognize shifting dynamics—it’s okay for friendships to ebb and flow, as long as no one is consistently sidelined.
💡 “If done right, three-person friendships can be deeply rewarding,” says Atkinson. “They offer diverse perspectives and strong emotional support—if everyone is committed to maintaining balance.”
The Bottom Line
Three-person friendships can work, but they require more effort than two-person friendships. The key is open communication, fairness, and avoiding toxic dynamics like triangulation and exclusion.
At the end of the day, the real question isn’t can three-person friendships work—it’s whether everyone in the trio is willing to put in the effort to make it work.
