Often in relationships, opposites truly do attract. Differences can add novelty and spark, and they’re often what draw us to each other at the beginning.
But as a psychologist who studies couples (and as a husband), I can say with confidence: Long-term relationship health depends less on how different two people are and more on what they actually have in common. Shared ground is one of the most important ways for partners to build a rhythm together, and that rhythm can determine how long a relationship lasts.
Here are five things people in the happiest relationships share in common with their partner.
1. A shared sense of humor
You don’t need to have the same favorite comedian or comedy movie to share a sense of humor. What matters is that you laugh together — and regularly.
Healthy couples usually find the same kinds of things funny in everyday life. They often use humor to their advantage: turning frustrating moments into something manageable, and building a shared bank of inside jokes and references.
Over time, that humor becomes a lighthearted but powerful reminder of everything they’ve endured together.
2. Similar communication styles
The healthiest couples tend to approach hard conversations in sync. For some, that means talking things through as soon as problems come up. For others, it means giving each other space to process before regrouping.
Either approach works. What matters is that both partners are on the same page.
No one feels caught off guard or ignored, because they’ve aligned on when and how to revisit tough issues. Shared expectations like these are the only way two people can trust each other not to disappear when things get hard.
3. Aligned social needs
Not every couple is made up of two perfectly matched extroverts or two homebodies. But usually, healthy couples are in sync when it comes to how much social interaction feels right.
They rarely argue over whether to go out or stay in because they have similar limits. They’re often on the same page about how much energy they want to spend at parties, dinners, or family events.
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And when they do want different things — say, one wants to see friends while the other needs to recharge — they handle it without guilt or frustration. There’s no dragging each other along, no passive-aggressive comments, no punishment for needing different things.
This sense of balance keeps their social life from becoming a recurring source of tension.
4. Curiosity about arts and culture
Another thread that runs through strong relationships is shared curiosity about art and culture. Happy couples don’t need to have identical playlists or favorite authors, but they do value exploring together.
They’ll go to concerts, try new restaurants, or watch films neither has seen before. Even when their tastes differ, they’re still curious about each other’s opinions.
That openness means cultural experiences are never met with a dismissive “Why would you like that?” Instead, they’re a source of connection and even healthy debate.
5. Interest in each other
This one is straightforward, but often overlooked: Healthy couples stay genuinely interested in one another.
There’s no “chasing,” no games, no imbalance in who’s keeping the affection alive. The attention just flows both ways. They keep flirting, keep complimenting, and keep asking each other questions, even when they already know the answers.
This pervasive and loving sense of curiosity is what makes them feel both seen and wanted. No one has to vie for the other’s affection; they love each other freely and frequently. Opposites may attract, but shared values and curiosity are what help a relationship last.
Mark Travers, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org.
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