We often assume that in order to be happy in life, we need to rely on external forces to change our circumstances, or to validate our choices. But having spent the last 15 years studying the science of happiness, I can tell you that is not the case.
I’m always looking for unexpected insights about how we can be more content. In 2020, researchers from Northern Illinois University surveyed a group of 422 women aged 31 to 77 to better understand the connection between friendships and overall life satisfaction, particularly as we get older.
They found that we actually already have control over the two things that significantly influence our long-term happiness: our approach to aging, and the kind of friend we are.
When I first encountered this study, I was struck by how counterintuitive yet empowering it was. The study participants who were the happiest felt that way not because of luck or circumstance — but because of their own agency.
They were intentional about how they showed up in the world.
5 ways to rewrite your happiness playbook
Here’s how to incorporate these happiness habits into your everyday routine:
1. Embrace your felt age
Stop reinforcing limiting thoughts about what someone your age “should” do.
If you’re 50 but feel 35, let that energy guide your choices. Take that dance class, plan that adventure, pursue that career change. Your internal age matters way more to your overall sense of well-being than the age on your driver’s license.
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2. Be someone’s most reliable friend
A key predictor of happiness in this study isn’t having a best friend — it was being someone’s best friend.
So ask yourself: “Whose best friend am I?” “Am I someone’s first call?” If you can’t confidently answer that, think about the most supportive people in your life.
Think about how you can better show up for them and provide an irreplaceable sense of support. Be proactive about being the kind of friend you’d want to have.
3. Increase your social frequency
More frequent visits with friends were directly related to both feeling younger and higher life satisfaction.
Make regular contact a priority — weekly calls, monthly coffee dates, seasonal visits. You don’t need to find more acquaintances that you never see. You need to become a better friend to someone specific, who truly sees you.
4. Don’t be afraid of being a beginner
When you regularly put yourself in situations where you’re starting from scratch, like learning a language, picking up an instrument or trying a new sport, your brain lights up like it did when you were a kid.
You’re curious again, asking questions without embarrassment, making mistakes and laughing them off. That beginner’s energy is pure youth serum. Every time you say “I have no idea what I’m doing, but let’s try it anyway,” you’re choosing to feel 25 in your head, regardless of what the calendar says.
5. Create essential, irreplaceable traditions
Here’s the thing about traditions: they’re not just events, they’re anchors. These rituals become part of people’s identity. You’ve given them belonging, something to look forward to, stories to tell.
It doesn’t have to be a big to-do. It can be something as simple as a weekly coffee and walk in the park. When you’re the glue that brings people together, you go from being “a good friend” to being someone they can’t imagine their world without.
Jessica Weiss is a keynote speaker and executive coach who teaches people and businesses how to find more happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction at work. With a background in positive psychology, she’s spent 15 years working with global brands like Coca-Cola, Johnson & Johnson and American Express. She is the author of the upcoming book, “Happiness Works: The Science of Thriving at Work.” She earned her BA from the University of Pennsylvania and an MBA from Columbia Business School.
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