In my decade of advising Fortune 500 companies as a behavioral researcher, I’ve found that one of the most effective ways to stop a manipulator is one key phrase: “That’s interesting. Tell me more.”
Manipulative people thrive on emotional reactions, confusion and ambiguity. This simple phrase helps neutralize that and change the power balance in the conversation.
With “that’s interesting,” you’re acknowledging what’s been said without validating or challenging the claim. You’re simply signaling: “I heard you, and I’m not rattled.” This removes the emotional hook that many manipulators rely on.
With “tell me more” (or other variations: “What makes you say that?” “What led you to that conclusion?”), you are cutting away any confusion and ambiguity, in favor of curiosity. “Why” questions can feel accusatory and often trigger defensiveness. Stick with the more open-toned “what” statements in order to keep the exchange from escalating further.
If you find yourself in situations where you are being gaslit, guilt-tripped or coerced, here is how to best use this simple but subtly powerful phrase.
If someone is trying to gaslight you…
Gaslighting is when someone makes you question your memory or perception of reality.
- They might say: “I never said that. You’re remembering it wrong.”
- You can reply: “That’s interesting. Tell me more about how you remember it.” Then you could follow up with, “That’s not how I remember it.” Or, if applicable, “Let’s ask someone else who was there.”
This works because you’re not having to defend your memory in the moment. You invite the other person to clarify and provide detail.
Gaslighting loses power when it has to stand on specifics. When someone has to explain their version clearly, inconsistencies often surface, and the psychological pressure shifts off you and back onto the facts.
If someone is trying to guilt-trip you…
We’ve all been there. Someone uses obligation or emotion to pressure you to do something you don’t want to do.
- They might say: “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?”
- You can reply: “That’s interesting. What makes you say that?” Then follow up with, “I appreciate what you’ve done, and this is still my decision.” Or, “I can care about you but still choose differently.”
This works because the focus shifts from your supposed guilt to their reasoning. When you ask them to articulate their logic and explain themselves, the emotional pressure and leverage often weakens.
If someone is trying to subtly coerce you…
Subtle coercion shows up when a manipulator ties cooperation to your loyalty or care.
- They might say: “If you really cared, you’d agree with me.”
- You can reply: “That’s interesting. What makes you think that?” Then follow up with, “Caring doesn’t always mean we have to agree on everything,” or, “I can care and still see it differently.”
This detaches your values from their request. You’re not arguing about whether you care, you’re asking how they arrived at that conclusion. That creates psychological space and that’s when manipulation loses traction.
Manipulators rely on emotional reactions. The moment you slow the exchange down and get curious, their leverage weakens. Calm questions protect your clarity and your boundaries, and shift conversations towards facts instead of feelings.
In difficult conversations, composure is often more powerful than confrontation.
Shadé Zahrai is an award-winning peak performance educator, behavioral researcher, leadership strategist, and author of “Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence, and Fuel Success.” Recognized as one of LinkedIn’s Top 50 Most Impactful People, she supports leaders at some of the world’s biggest brands, including Microsoft, Deloitte, Procter & Gamble, and JPMorgan.
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