When our kids come to us with their boredom, there is often an impulse to meet them with irritation, frustration and guilt.
“You have so many toys! How can you be bored?” “Bored? Here’s a list of chores.” “When I was a kid, I played for hours without complaining.”
As a parenting expert who has spent 10 years working with busy families on independent play, I’ve seen the same pattern repeatedly: parents either offer a list of activities or tell kids to figure it out themselves. Neither works. The first creates dependence. The second feels like a rejection.
The truth is, we can’t, and shouldn’t, entertain our children constantly. Over-involvement leads to burnout for parents and robs kids of essential developmental skills.
So the next time your kids tell you that they are bored, try these five phrases to encourage more independent play:
1. ‘I have a few minutes. Can you tell me more about [X]?’
The first question you can ask yourself when you kid says “I’m bored” is: “Have I truly connected with my child today?”
Not “I made your lunch” connected or “I nagged you to brush your teeth” connected. Real eye-contact, undistracted, even-for-two-minutes connection. Something like, “Tell me more about the show you watched this morning. You were laughing so hard!”
Many children are used to being told what to do and how to do it, and when no one is directing them, they feel lost. Sometimes, “I’m bored” just means “I need you,” or, “I don’t know what to do without guidance.”
A quick connection reset can help fill their emotional cup enough for them to feel more comfortable and confident playing on their own.
2. ‘I’m wondering if your body needs something first.’
Are they missing something basic, like food, rest, movement or emotional regulation? “I’m bored” can also be their body’s way of saying, “Help, I’m off.”
When was the last time they ate? Have they been sitting still for two hours? Did they wake up at 5 a.m. and refuse a nap? Sometimes, “I’m bored” is actually “my blood sugar dropped,” “I’ve been cooped up inside,” or, “I’m exhausted but don’t know how to wind down.”
Before redirecting them to play, try: “I’m wondering if your body needs something first. It’s almost lunchtime. Are you feeling hungry?” Or, “We’ve been inside all morning. Would it feel good to run around the backyard for five minutes?”
Once those needs are taken care of, you can hand the reins back to them.
3. ‘You don’t really want me to tell you what to do, do you? I can, but it’ll probably be chores or other boring stuff.’
This phrase flips the script. Now they’re the ones declining your help, not being denied it.
It’s playful, takes the heat off, and assumes they already know what they want — they just haven’t figured it out yet.
4. ‘Let’s think on this: Are you in the mood to repeat an idea you already know, or try something new? Once you decide, it’ll be easier to figure out.’
This works because you’re giving them a framework and inviting them to collaborate, not solving the problem for them.
You’re asking them to check in with themselves: What are they actually in the mood for right now? And both answers — either repeating the idea they already know, or wanting to try something new — are fine. You’re just teaching them how to identify what they want.
Over time, their problem-solving skills will improve. They’ll learn to say “I’m bored. Okay, do I want to do something I already know, or try something new? Maybe I’ll rebuild that fort from last week. But this time, I’ll add a tunnel.”
5. ‘This is hard. You aren’t sure what to do next. I get that. It might take a bit to figure it out.’
Once you’ve confirmed that connection and basic needs are met, acknowledge that sitting with boredom is uncomfortable.
You can add: “I’m going to be [folding laundry or making dinner] right here if you want to check in.” With this approach, they aren’t being left alone with their feelings, and you’re giving them space to work through it … but with you as a steady presence.
What you’re really teaching is how to generate purpose from the inside out, not from a toy, a screen, or from you. Your child might need to check in a few times: “Is this okay?” “Can I use this?”
Children need to learn that boredom isn’t a crisis, and that they can use the feeling to inform what they can do next.
Lizzie Assa, MsED, is the founder of the popular Substack and Instagram, The Workspace for Children, and the author of “But I’m Bored.”
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