The holiday season brings out a mix of emotions for many of us: joy, pressure, love, expectations, excitement, and sometimes financial anxiety.
Between gift exchanges, gatherings, the perfect decor, and travel, the pressure to show up big can feel heavier than the holiday ham. As a financial therapist, I am here to tell you that this holiday and every holiday going forward: You’re allowed to set limits and protect your financial well-being without giving a long explanation.
To be more intentional with your money this holiday season, use these six phrases to speak up with confidence.
1. ‘I have a few pressing financial priorities, so I have to scale back this year.’
This is a calm and clear way to let people know your focus has shifted. It reminds them that you have responsibilities outside of the holiday season and that you’re choosing to honor them. It also opens the door for understanding without inviting questions or explanations you don’t want to give.
2. ‘Let’s do a gift exchange instead of buying gifts for everyone. My wallet needs a breather.’
Many people feel the same holiday pressure but are afraid to say it first. When you bring this up, you create space for an honest conversation about what feels manageable. This approach helps everyone simplify while also honoring your financial limits.
3. ‘I can contribute time, but not money. Put me on setup or cleanup duty!’
Acts of service are still acts of love. You’re showing up in a way that doesn’t drain your bank account but shows you care. Most people will appreciate the offer and gladly accept.
4. ‘Can we play board games and chill this holiday season? My money is looking a little funny.’
A little humor softens the message and makes the moment relatable. This is honest and keeps the conversation light. It could be a board game, a craft, or something your family enjoyed before holiday spending became a competition. This could even become a new tradition that honors connection instead of cost.
5. ‘I love y’all, but I can’t host this year. My capacity just isn’t there. How can we switch it up this year?’
Some families have rituals where everyone naturally gathers at one person’s home every year. But circumstances change, and you’re allowed to change with them. Speaking up early helps others adjust their expectations and make new plans without stress or confusion.
6. ‘I’m trying to avoid overspending, so I’ve signed out of Amazon and anything else that might tempt me outside of my budget.’
This one is straightforward and easy for others to understand. It names a financial habit that most people can relate to, and the humor softens the reality. It keeps things honest without making the moment awkward.
Your finances may change, but your love for your family does not.
It’s one thing to be honest about your situation, but in these moments, guilt can creep in.
This can make you feel like you’re letting people down, especially in a season that celebrates generosity and togetherness — but guilt often has little to do with the money itself. It usually comes from the fear that changing what we can give means changing who we are to the people we love, which is not true at all.
So a few things to keep in mind to help combat any guilt as you navigate this time of year.
- Remember your “why.” Protecting your peace, honoring your budget, focusing on your mental health and preventing debt are valid reasons to make different choices.
- Lead with clarity. When you communicate early and honestly, you stop imagining people’s reactions and start building understanding. Most of the time, others are relieved you spoke up because they were feeling the same way.
- It’s okay to evolve. You do not have to keep up traditions that no longer fit your financial reality. It’s okay to shift, simplify, and create new traditions that feel emotionally and financially safe.
- Use language that sounds like you. If you’re direct, choose something straightforward. If you’re shy, choose something soft. If you use humor to ease tension, lean into that. With these phrases, when your words feel more like you, the guilt loses its power.
- Love is not measured by how much you spend. Changing your capacity is not the same as changing your love. Your financial situation may shift, but your love and care for your family does not.
Jasmine Johnson is a certified financial therapist and financial counselor. She blends behavioral psychology with practical strategy to guide people through budgeting, debt, financial anxiety, and real life money decisions. Jasmine is a bi-weekly financial expert on BakersfieldNOW News, and the founder of Happi Money.
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