We often hear about the 10,000 steps a day rule for physical fitness or the eight-hour sleep recommendation for overall health. But what about our social well-being? Building and maintaining strong relationships is just as crucial for our happiness and mental health, and now, there’s a guideline to help.
Enter the 5-3-1 challenge, developed by social health expert Kasley Killam, author of The Art and Science of Connection. This simple framework encourages people to:
âś… Interact with five different people each week
âś… Maintain at least three close relationships
âś… Spend one hour a day connecting with others
Think of it like a fitness routine for your social life—a structured way to foster relationships and meaningful connections.
1. Interact with Five Different People Each Week
While spending time with family, a romantic partner, or roommates is valuable, Killam emphasizes the importance of diverse social interactions. Connecting with different people—whether a co-worker, a neighbor, or even a friendly barista—boosts social fulfillment and mental well-being.
These interactions can be as simple as:
- Chatting with a cashier, Uber driver, or server
- Hosting a family gathering
- Grabbing lunch with a friend or colleague
- Striking up a casual conversation with a stranger about the weather
Even brief “micro-moments” of connection can positively impact our mood and mental health.
2. Maintain Three Close Relationships
Your inner circle matters. These are your “ride-or-die” friendships—the people who support you through life’s ups and downs. Killam suggests having at least three close relationships to act as a social buffer when one connection is strained.
Communication expert Natalie Pennington from Colorado State University highlights why this is essential:
“If you’re having a fight with your mom, you need a friend to turn to. If you’re struggling with a friend, you might need your partner’s support. Having multiple close connections is crucial for emotional resilience.”
These relationships don’t require constant interaction, but they do need intentional effort. Whether it’s a weekend getaway with a best friend, a weekly check-in call, or a date night with your partner, the goal is to nurture these deep bonds.
3. Spend One Hour Each Day Connecting
This one-hour connection rule doesn’t have to be a full 60-minute conversation. Instead, it’s about cumulative quality time throughout your day. Some easy ways to incorporate this include:
- A 10-minute call to a friend during your commute
- A 20-minute lunch break conversation with a colleague
- A walk with your partner or kids after work
- A quick FaceTime chat with a loved one
However, passive time together—like watching TV—doesn’t count. Killam stresses that true connection comes from active engagement, not just sitting in the same room.
Why Do We Need Friendship Challenges?
With social media, texting, and emails, it might feel like we’re constantly connected. But Killam argues that digital interactions are often surface-level and unfulfilling—like snacking instead of having a nutritious meal.
Another challenge? Modern lifestyles have become more transient. As people move away from their hometowns and community groups decline, forming deep relationships takes more effort than ever before. That’s where structured challenges like 5-3-1 help encourage deliberate social investment.
More Quality, Less Quantity
While the 5-3-1 challenge provides a structured approach, it’s not just about hitting numbers. The quality of connections matters more than the quantity.
Research from the American Friendship Project found that most people are satisfied with the number of friends they have but wish they were closer to them. The takeaway? Prioritize meaningful connections over endless social scrolling.
And if in-person meetups aren’t feasible, don’t underestimate the power of a simple text or video call.
“We often don’t realize how much a small check-in means to someone,” Killam says. “A quick message can go a long way in maintaining friendships—especially when distance is a factor.”
The Bottom Line
The 5-3-1 challenge is a simple yet effective way to boost social well-being. By making a conscious effort to diversify interactions, nurture close relationships, and spend time meaningfully connecting, we can create stronger, healthier friendships—and ultimately, a happier life.
